Wednesday, December 16, 2009

the primal curse


According to traditional Christian theology,
human beings have fallen from divine grace.
Satan tempted Adam and Eve to defy
the command of God not to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Eve disobeyed.
Original Sin was born. All descendants of Adam and Eve have fallen from a blissful state of innocence and communion with God.

Since we have inherited Adam and Eve's guilt, albeit by a somewhat obscure mechanism,
we are condemned to a life of suffering and toil ("the primal curse"),
whether in seeking food or - in the case of women - giving birth...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Toward Nothing

I am sorry to make you bothered;
sorry to mess up your world,
sorry to disappoint you,
sorry to put you down,
sorry to pull you hard...
If only I could choose myself,
I wouldn't be here, breathing next to you
I hadn't have to make you mad,
I know I am unwanted
Nobody sees me
Neither you do,
I really do promise to make you proud of this stupid woman,
To prove that I am existing and my dreams are about to be true
I want you to believe me
Whatever ignorance is the crown,
it's all on your hands
I am sorry to disgust your life,
Like repeatedly sorries won't change a thing
Thus I would say:

Wished that God didn't make suicide as a sin...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

hard to breath


I wanna be starting something
keep dancing while they're talking and hissing,
they breath around me like disgusting
I'll keep move forward though it's haunting
No, I'm not dying
trust me, again, that I'm worth living
I'm a precious thing
guess what, I won't twice falling,
I'll walk in the line remembering
that I'm nothing,
believe that God's gift is happening...


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Eating wafer chocolate: What's wrong?

I often hear someone somewhere says, “Don’t eat chocolate! No matter what kinda food they are unless you want to look like a hippopotamus...

Well, All I wanna do responsing that words usually leering at that ‘someone’ and smile widely.

Some people hold ‘a believe’ that chocolate is a girl’s friend (besides of diamond – they say. Who? People say... ) AND chocolate is a girl’s archemeny! This is stupid. If chocolate makes you gain weight, then supermarket shouldn’t sell chocolate, any of them. And cigarette causes many health problems, why they keep it?

In my opinion, pros and contras are common. They exist and surrounding our life. It’s just about taste, right? If people do not have taste then this Mother Nature must be sooooo boring.

Oh yea – almost forget, I remember something a bit scientific that chocolate boost up moods. Especially the negative and sad moods. Hmm...I feel it right under my skin!

I’m eating wafer chocolate now, and just guess why am I doing that?

Options:

  1. Badmood
  2. I love chocolate, no matter how they’re wrapped and shaped
  3. Chocolate is something irresistible
  4. Because I want to
  5. Bored...


Well,

Seriously, I don’t eat chocolate like every 10 seconds everyday. What’s wrong with chocolate? You gotta problem huh?” my heart says.

Of course I cannot say that in public. First, I am a shy. Not that shy, but I know what to say and what to do in a certain occasion.

Second, I apreciate the ‘someone’ words. It’s her/his right to say it. Maybe, they believe that chocolate will ruin their life. Then it’s OK with me...


As long as they don’t suddenly grab my chocolate wafer and throw it away to the trashbin.


Friday, December 4, 2009

Jelly Jelly Jelly

I'm like a jelly
Shaked up confusing color Cracked up and about to eat Shaped but meant to keep standing upright quiet Touched though nothing seemed precious
Ignore or swallow me,
That's what the nature has brought Then?
I'm just a jelly ...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Great and Strange Towers - LOVE - ???

The two towers I had
and I did evil to a one great tower which had given me everything,

L.O.V.E

and love is all human needs
I felt so horrible
I couldn't say any words but tears
Please don't say that I gotta move to the another tower,
the strange tower that gave me barely nothing;

what do you say when you find out that you don't belong to the great tower, but you were from the strange tower?

I really do want to die,
emotional? Who cares?
I made million mistakes to the great one, and kicked out
I screwed people around me, who love me
purely;
You know what?
I don't deserve any of blessings whatsover
I shouldn't have got 'em
God...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Great Superhero Ever

Biasanya anak-anak yang jauh dari orang tuanya merasa kangen sekali dengan mamanya.
Biasanya apapun yang kita rindukan adalah mama, yang kita ingin sekali bertemu adalah mama.

Lalu bagaimana dengan papa?

Mungkin mama lebih sering menanyakan keadaan anaknya setiap hari.
Tapi taukah kamu jika papamu yang mengingatkannya unutk menelfonmu?

Mungkin mama yang lebih sering mengajakmu bercerita...
Tapi taukah kamu sepulangnya ia bekerja dengan wajah lelah ia selalu menanyakan kabarmu dari mama mu?


waktu kecil...


Papa mengajari putri kecilnya bermain sepeda.
Setelah dia mengganggap kamu bisa ia melepaskan roda bantu di sepedamu.
Saat itu mama menutup mata karena takut anaknya terjatuh lalu terluka... Tapi ayah dengan yakin menatapmu mengayuh sepeda dengan pelan karena dia tahu putri kecilnya pasti bisa.

Saat kamu menangis meronta meminta boneka yang baru,mama menatapmu iba, tetapi ayah mengatakan dengan tegas "kita beli nanti, tapi tidak sekarang" karena ia tidak ingin kamu menjadi manja dengan semua tuntutan yang selalu di penuhi.

Ketika kamu remaja,

kamu mulai menuntut untuk keluar malam. Lalu papa mulai bersikap lebih tegas ketika mengatakan "tidak".
itu untuk menjagamu karena kamu adalah sesuatu yang sangat berharga.
Lalu kamu masuk ke kamar, membanting pintu.
Tapi yang datang mengetok pintu dan membujuk mu adalah mama.
Taukah kamu, saat itu dia memejamkan matanya dan menahan diri, karena dia sangat ingin mengikuti keinginanmu. Tapi lagi-lagi dia harus menjagamu.

Saat seorang cowok mulai sering datang mencarimu, Papa akan memasang wajah paling cool sedunia. Dan sesekali menguping atau mengintip saat kamu sedang berdua di ruang tamu. Tahukah kamu, dia merasa cemburu?

Saat dia melonggarkan sedikit peraturan, kamu melanggar jam malamnya.
Ia duduk di ruang tamu menunggumu pulang dengan sangat khawatir. Wajah khawatir itu mengeras ketika melihat putri kecilnya pulang terlalu larut.
Dia marah.
Karena hal yang di takutinya akhirnya datang...
"Putri kecilnya sudah tidak ada lagi"

Saat papa sedikit memaksamu unutk menjadi seorang dokter, ketahuilah bahwa ia hanya memikirkan masa depanmu nanti. Tapi toh dia tetap tersenyum saat pilihanmu adalah menjadi seorang penulis.

Sampai saat papa harus melepasmu di bandara. Bahkan badannya terlalu kaku untuk memelukmu. Ia hanya tersenyum sambil memberi nasehat ini-itu.
Dia ingin menangis seperti mama yang menangis dan memelukmu erat.
Tapi dia hanya menghapus sedikit air mata di sudut matanya dan menepuk pundakmu berkata
"Jaga diri baik-baik..." agar kamu kuat untuk pergi.

Saat kamu butuh uang untuk membiayai uang semester dan kehidupanmu, orang pertama yang mengerutkan kening adalah Papa. Berusaha mencari jalan agar anaknya bisa merasa sama dengan yang lain.

Ketika permintaanmu bukan lagi sekedar meminta boneka baru, dan ia tau ia tidak bisa memberikan, dia sangat ingin mengatakan "iya nak, nanti kita beli"
dan padahal kenyataannya adalah "tidak bisa" dari bibirnya.
Tahukah kamu, Ia merasa gagal membuat anaknya tersenyum.

Saat kamu sakit dan tidak berada di dekatnya. Papa terlalu khawatir sampai kadang sedikit membentak berkata, "Sudah di bilang jangan minum air dingin!".
Berbeda dengan mama yang memperhatikanmu dengan lembut...
Ketahuilah, saat itu ia benar-benar khawatir dengan keadaanmu.

Dan di saatnya nanti kamu wisuda sebagai seorang sarjana. Papa adalah orang pertama yang berdiri dan memberi tepuk tangan untuk mu.
Dia yg tersenyum bangga dan puas melihat "putri kecilku yang tidak manja berhasil tumbuh dewasa, dan telah menjadi seseorang..."

Sampai saat seorang teman hidupmu datang dan meminta izin mengambilmu darinya.
Papa akan sangat berhati-hati memberikan izin, karena ia tau pria itu yang nanti akan menggantikan posisinya.

Dan saat Papa melihat mu duduk di panggung pernikahan bersama seseorang yang di anggapnya pantas menggantikannya, Papa pergi kebelakang panggung dan menangis
"Tugasku telah selesai dengan baik. Putri kecilku yang lucu telah menjadi wanita yang cantik..."

Papa hanya bisa menunggu kedatanganmu dan cucu-cucunya sesekali untuk menjenguknya dengan rambut yang telah memutih dan badan yang tak lagi kuat untuk menjagamu dari bahaya.

****

Papa adalah sosok yang harus selalu terlihat kuat, bahkan ketika dia tidak kuat untuk tidak menangis.
Harus terlihat tegas, bahkan saat dia ingin memanjakanmu.
Papa juga orang pertama yang selalu yakin bahwa "kamu bisa" dalam hal apapun.

Tersenyum dan bersyukurlah ketika kamu bisa merasakan kasih sayang seorang papa hingga tugasnya selesai.
Kamu adalah salah satu orang yg beruntung karena papa adalah sosok superhero yang sesungguhnya, ia hebat dan melindungimu dari apapun yang akan membahayakanmu...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Immortal Palace


why it is so hard to swallow a chaos?
tell me that this cycle is leaving its place
thus people would not staring one another whatsover;
that damn little voice never be heard,
so tired of being abandoned
what else should I give though?
exhausting in the opera,
dying in the lake,
bursting on the cloud,
and waiting for the horse to come...
as if ever come;
no it won't ever arrive.
sooner I can pray for myself,
to find a sweet peace,
to seek harder to elsewhere...
sure, it is eligible for me to
land my head on the throne
say my illution myth of neverland
then I would rather go away...

Friday, November 13, 2009

Hamlet Soliloquy

Act 2 Scene 2: O, What A Rogue And Peasant Slave Am I

O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!
Is it not monstrous that this player here,
But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,
Could force his soul so to his own conceit
That from her working all his visage wann'd,
Tears in his eyes, distraction in's aspect,
A broken voice, and his whole function suiting
With forms to his conceit? and all for nothing!
For Hecuba!

What's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
That he should weep for her? What would he do,
Had he the motive and the cue for passion
That I have? He would drown the stage with tears
And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,
Make mad the guilty and appal the free,
Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed
The very faculties of eyes and ears. Yet I,
A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak,
Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause,
And can say nothing; no, not for a king,
Upon whose property and most dear life
A damn'd defeat was made. Am I a coward?
Who calls me villain? breaks my pate across?
Plucks off my beard, and blows it in my face?
Tweaks me by the nose? gives me the lie i' the throat,
As deep as to the lungs? who does me this?
Ha!

'Swounds, I should take it: for it cannot be
But I am pigeon-liver'd and lack gall
To make oppression bitter, or ere this
I should have fatted all the region kites
With this slave's offal: bloody, bawdy villain!
Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
O, vengeance!

Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave,
That I, the son of a dear father murder'd,
Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,
Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words,
And fall a-cursing, like a very drab,
A scullion!

Fie upon't! foh! About, my brain! I have heard
That guilty creatures sitting at a play
Have by the very cunning of the scene
Been struck so to the soul that presently
They have proclaim'd their malefactions;
For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak
With most miraculous organ. I'll have these players
Play something like the murder of my father
Before mine uncle: I'll observe his looks;
I'll tent him to the quick: if he but blench,
I know my course. The spirit that I have seen
May be the devil: and the devil hath power
To assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps
Out of my weakness and my melancholy,
As he is very potent with such spirits,
Abuses me to damn me: I'll have grounds
More relative than this: the play 's the thing
Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king.

Parkour Thriller Zombies

A short film doing parkour inspired by Michael Jackson's Thriller video.