What's up, ghost-readers?
So I want to bring up some points that have been bothering me these days. Like, really stuck in ma head and everytime I wanted "them" to get out; failed.
It was the feeling of romance. (D'oh!)
Hahaha yeah lame, dude. I mean, I never thought of it before, and I always survive of just what I am now, but then it came out of the blue and I didn't ready. I didn't want it. It annoyed me. It wasted my single-bingle time. It diminished my mind.
Alright probably you may see me as a... wtf person (Yes?) just because, ahemm I repeat... JUST BECAUSE I got a crush.
Hoorrayy!!! (horn's sounded)
There are a few close friends who know that I am not a kind of hooker hooker girl. They know I am a serious one (what?), and when it comes to a relationship or a lover, I might both fight with myself and show that person how much I care about him. Reality check!
I'm also a Virgo (but not a zodiac whore) and perfection is on the very front cover of my dictionary. And that's so true if some of you label me as a "too picky" one. Look, I don't wanna get in a bad romance or an unhealthy before-after relationship. Even a crush for me is just the same with how I choose the one to be my lover. But I don't plan things at all, like when I get crush with a man means I "pick" him as my crush.
N'ah ah. Not true.
I let it naturally, Heaven knows.
Well, the crush who I like now (dammit I hate to write this, but nobody to talk to rrrr), is a complete stranger.
Me 2.0: pardon me, what just did you say?
My crush is a STRANGER. I already capslocked that.
Me 2.0: .........
Can you believe that? This stranger is out there, he's exist, breathing and living in somewhere in this city. I knew him from a so-called Social Networking Site. Clueless about his life, I've chosen not to find out anything about him. I've chosen to forget my feeling. I've chosen to pretend it's not happening. I've chosen not to care and curious about this stranger. I've chosen to ignore checking his page; and ALL OF THESE has successfully led me into a more craving and deeper curiousity.
Me 2.0: You're allowed to shout, "Aaarrgghhh!" now, my deer...
I think the "too picky"-title fits me well.
Moreover, I don't wanna describe him here, just in case that (unlucky) man read my stupid blog and recognize that this is him? I swear I'm gonna kill myself by jumping from the Semanggi's bridge...
Hey you stranger-to-be-the-crush, you got me, you hit me, who are you! (isn't that suppose to use a question mark?) Feels like I'm about to sing, "you drive me craaaazy, I just can't sleep. I'm so excited I'm in to deep.. woowooo oooo craaazyyy, but it feels alright. Baby thinkin' of ya keeps me up all night!"
Me 2.0: Question... Do you wish that life has at least an undo button to click?
Another one is a personal annoyance, for me, and it's been much disturbing.
I always lack of self-confidence.
People and friends NEVER believe that I'm not a confidence woman. Indeed I am, and I'm tired to know that they hypothesized this by looking at my oddness and weird behavior. I strongly oppose them all, mader-effer. I won't at all provide the argument behind my cons thought.
I really need a guru who can seed me the confidence-granule and grow me that until it is ripe enough for me to take care of myself. Totally, I cannot effing see my bold, my plus-quality (despite my plus size haha), and my positive... These bullshits just floating like crazy out of my head -- and inside my head and scattering all over me is only the negative sides of me.
I know it sounds pretty lame and insane. I don't take it on the daily doses; but when it comes to PMS days or a disappointed-ness time shows up and calls me to come closer, I always get down and give up easily (I let me mock myself, confused? Me either.).
I dislike it, ghost-readers... Hate it.
To end this perfectly, I'd like to say that nobody can ever put me down or treat me bad. Nobody is responsible and can be blame for my happiness. Nobody throws me shit on the face can get out of it alive because I'm going to tear them into pieces.
Nobody cares. True, right?
Me 2.0: Nice saying, maybe you should get a better sleeping time?