Sunday, March 20, 2011

Challenge and surrender

"Being challenged in life is inevitable, 
being defeated is optional...
~ Roger Crawford

However, no matter how hard I strove for my own goal to be accomplished, I ended up being defeated? Why oh why, Mr Crawford?

Don't get me wrong. I really am grateful of what I have and the process that brings into this kinda-me right now -- even though I am definitely still progressing my self. I know my weakness, my limitations, I know I can resist the bad situation which comes in front of my face. And I realize what my strengths and my plus are. I do not tick the option of losing something I really want to achieve. Besides, "challenge" is always on my top row in my dictionary. Slapping hard the faces of "surrender" and "fail" are my daily principle (I don't care that many millions fails have put me down and I got up again. lesson learned).

One thing that I cannot even figure out yet until now is: When I am being defeated in any kind of (call it) assignment, task, results and else; I immediately feel down, like a big fat looser, I do feel hopeless. Yes I fail. Nope, I don't give up. Upset and feel useless, it's true:

When I get to know my effort is worthless in somebody's eyes. 
When I figure out I am the only chameleon in a place while everyone else has their own comfy-friends to laugh with (doesn't mean that I do not try hard to mingle with).
When I witness I decrease my skill and lose my bad habit slowly, and somebody else shows me how to get things done perfectly.
When I get a big chance to develop myself and I know none can determine my way, but they do it successfully although it happens without my permission (obviously).
When I feel so alone, on the other side I know God always holds my hands tight.
When I feel like talking and hanging out with my family orgood friends, but I know they are not here and cannot be here with me.
When I so know people see me as a freaking stranger, and I see them as strangers too.
When I need to dance my feet off, but I need to hold it for an unspecified moment.

It's not the end of the world. It's not a mayday.
But it is an empty jar of cookies.
It's like a box of chocolate without its tasty chocolates.

These days, it 's been happening a lot.

Anyone can help me fighting back this screw-myself-up feeling?
What do you think? Really need your frankly thoughts anyway.. God bless ya :)

Visited this place with a raft last Saturday with Sorowako Photography Society, located in Lake Matano (Ide Beach) while we're on our way to the nearest oldest village in the town called Nuha Village.

Have a beautiful days!


Anonymous said...

i like this post. you are such a self-reflective person, and i love that about you.

i also love the quote that you included in this post. very, very, true.

it's normal that we all have our "moments" of feeling defeated and useless. why? we're human. but it's the getting out of that feeling or state that's important. let it sink for a little bit, don't worry too much. you'll figure it out eventually, why and how? you're a smart girl. that's all i got to say.

hang in there. xxx

Krystal said...

you just have to keep your head up lady, it happens to all of us!

Edwig O' Nguik said...

"When I figure out I am the only chameleon in a place while everyone else has their own comfy-friends to laugh with"---> THAT'S REALLY ME!

What can I say? I'm on your side hahahaha, because I suffer for the same condition, too. Just be strong for us the tough ladies. I know we are always ready to rock! It's really a transition, isn't it? When we faced our thesis defense together and now we get (almost) screwed by the completely-new-world together. Haha. But now we can laugh on that belly-ache day, can't we? What is thesis defense? That's the easiest thing I'd ever heard. Haha, and we'll say this sentence someday, "Working? As easy as scratching my pimple." :p

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