Saturday, April 30, 2011

A lazy Saturday thought

Hola, sweet readers! 
Whoever checking out my blog, you are the sweetest...

I started up this week with blank and baffled mind. I just got off the flight from my hometown and must have back to work in this small, beautiful city with GMT+8 timezone. Less than 1 hour from my arrival here, I did not have enough time to even breathing. Heading back to the office and stuff. Dealing with the assignments and these were crazy.

My head was like, "Hey, I just arrived here. Don't you see that, universe? Could you give me a break for a lil while?"

And yeah, of course, the universe responded, "No, nerd. Get your butt back to that boring chair and your eyes on your laptop. Quit sighing, and please just doing this like you don't have another dream to pursue."

Me, "Alright, alright. You know what, universe, I agree with you at this point. I must conquer my fear and deepest longing of good people whom I love. Let's do this!"

Yet, this is true. You must have known, if you've read my blog before, that being a Virgo is (sometimes) confusing. I really do want to kick my own gut and slap my face hard. Future anxiety -- things haven't happened yet, just my imagination/prediction -- combine with getting-stuff-done-perfectly oriented and neat and organized traits; how can all of these not make me screaming to the wall?

This, again, relates to my goal in life. I am now 21 and thinking that I recognized what I want to do in my life, eventually. This emerged from my day-to-day thinking (Do you know that my mind keeps on wheeling around even when I am so tired and just want to lay relax on my bed?).

It probably sounds silly that a 21-year-old nerdy young woman thinks that she know what she wants. Me do laugh at myself about this. Do I really know? Do I?

I am not about to put it down here -- what I want in my life. But somehow, it's kind of similar with all people in the world want. One of my good blogger friend once said this (I forgot what she stated, but the point is sticked): "As you're more and more growing up, you will be knowing yourself better and far better than before."

Yep, true saying. 

Even I may be saying this in the future, "What the hell was I thinking back then doing this; doing that?". I think it's not regretting. It's normal, being sorry for what myself had done in my past that I think it didn't bring me any of either benefit or improvement. I had done some stupid and what-the-fudge things as I was teenage. I had my lesson and I knew it would generate me a changing, a transformation into a better person. Indeed, it does.

I am grateful of what I had been doing with my academics world, and even I am in hunger for master's degree. Getting one step higher degree is cool, isn't it? I count it as a bonus though. I want to study what I really eager to divine. Besides this academic thing, I do set my heart for my family. I also want to build my own mogul by being an entrepreneur -- daddy gives this gene of willingness. I want to be mentally and physically happy. 

Happiness, one vague, ambiguous and common word. Isn't it what people searching for in the entire life?

Putting it short, my deep ego is going like this:
I want to pour my thoughts, my critical thinking and my sense of seeing and feeling the world from all sides of perspective. I want to converse with foreign people, with great, inspiring and beyond-brilliant strangers all over the world. I want to take some shots to support my thinking (and my thirst of exploring). I want to pour them all into words. 

I want not to be judged in how I am so curious about everything, that I always read every words found in the street, on the billboard and poster. I want to have my flashback-moment and face-expression showing while I'm typing this thoughts. I want to have back my pulse of what other renowned, skilled people-in-this-field thinking of what I've put down there. I am eager to dig and acquire people's life: their culture, customs, obstacles, greatness, achievement, sadness and more. 

I want other people in other part of the world recognize that these strange-people are human, they are exist, they do the same activity like us -- but hey, they have a life like this, like that. 
They do something you've never imagined that you might do that as well. They are smart, they are sad -- they can do this, why can't you? 
They have muffin tops, big nose, fair skin; or they are slender, wanting to have a typical-tropical sunkiss skin; they have big foot, or they're small, they're so pretty even you'd hate yourself; they are unlucky, and you should now start to be more grateful, and more...

Crap, now I am rambling around. And this has been long enough as one posting.

Can you guess what is that (my dream) job about? ;)


*recent muses*
Kipling snake-skin leather SLR bag
The remarkable Cindy Crawford
Javier Bardem, my kind of guy - the older he gets, the hotter he appears... Shoot!

Have a great day!
xoxox

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's kind of fun to do the impossible...

"If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. 
Go out and get busy."
-Dale Carnegie


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Leaving for work again...

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Home

I totally agree with the prover, "Home is where the heart is".
I got my flyback to home -- Jakarta, baby -- and, yes, it is my home.
I am even still trying to figure this out though. Often, I mock about how hectic, messy and unorganized this smoking hot city can be; 
but in the end, when I came back and put my butt on its seat, I felt like I'm ALIVE.
Aside from the fact that my family is here, I really grasp my energy (I mean it, all my fricking energy!) and my mind (huh?) and my... confidence here! 
Crazy how my own thought turned against me by myself...

But yeah I am proud to say that my heart belongs to this city, where my family is here.
Well, I dunno what I'll probably say if my family moves to somewhere else, that'd be another case haha

Still enjoying this city for a couple of days left (Thanks for the Easter Day, it means loooong weekend; but not the work, oh crappy crap!)

National Monument -- Jakarta's remarkable symbol, what's up eh?

Have a great day, pretty people...

xoxoxox

Friday, April 8, 2011

Yellou

Ola!

Long time no see and touch and check everything here..
Nothing's changed significantly, aside from the facts that my blogger friends have been updating their blogs everyweek -- if not every day. And I feel bad now.
I have lost my appetite to update my blog, post some little tiny unimportant things about my life and so on and so on.

It happened because (after finding a time to sit and think bout this by myself) my mind was corrupted by the work and everything related to this freaking job. It needs me to be more detail in everything, put more attention and effort with everything I must do, and ignore my personal interests for couples of weeks (it's damn hard!).

I realize this is a responsibility and consequences I must take. A greater job, a greater risks.
With this exprience, I truly believe: Money is not everything, but it's hard to obtain. I mean, with the skills and tasks I have to do, I become this person who see money in its another side: valuable.

Once I saw an edgy, cute top or dress or jeans, I directly went to the fitting room. If it was well-suited me, I hit the cashier and tadaaa! Money wen off either from the ATM or wallet.
Not only some clothing and SHOES (haaaa! My bad, Imma shoe-whore...), I was keen to spend my every penny on gadgets, hanging out with friends, mommy and family, and I forget what things I used to do...
But slowly the bad habit fades, and my mom never get bored telling me to saving saving and saving for my own goodness.
Thanks, mom!

Now with my real work world, I kind of thinking million times spending money on things I probably do not really need. Need and want are obviously different. I try to nod on "needs" more, and only say yes to my wants when I reach personal-achievement and buy me some gift as reward.

I feel it is hard, esp. for woman, to saving money. Surrounding by traveling eagerness and completing gears for the slr, plus my feminine-side of sounds.
It's like: Doing meditation while I hear people yell out the words "shoes, blouse, lenses, bags, India, Lombok, blablabla...".

Plus, this one particular thing bothers me much recently. I must encounter a reality that there's always somebody who talks in a very unmannered way. The way he delivers or states his point is seriously hurting my dignity. I mean, if you really want to criticize me, please select appropriate words and see yourself in the mirror. Michael Jackson had long said that in his song, right? (love ya, Daddy MJ!)

This particular person tells an order, critizes something, wants some works done well in his eyes = in a very disrepespectful way. I dislike it.
But yeah, what can I do? Nothing.

I simply go in silence, say "yes" like a dumb person and can only scream in my heart.
Oyeah, it doesn't feel good, it's wrong. But, again, what can I do? I must take orders as they are and do it with the best efforts I can do.

And I know I can do the tasks, with what I have, that's been given on my plate.

But hey, I'm a kick-ass person, I can cope with everything appears in front of my face! Because I also hold on to this faith: God will never give me things to bear if He thinks I can't handle it.





These are shots from the process plant at the time I was there in the touring. The office allowed me and my two workmates seeing and knowing the what-happen-exactly in the plant. Chemcal dusts everywhere, it was also hot, and pretty much exhausting. We must wear respirator,special outfit and boots, ear-plugs and glasses. Overall, the process plat was awesome!

This is (left-right) me, Levina and Lurentia (both are my insane workmates). We stroke a pose in (stupidly) hiphop/street dudes style. The pose fails? PROBABLY! lol

Catch you later, pretty people!
Have a wonderful days...

xoxo


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