Friday, October 5, 2012

In the maze of confusion

So here it goes, a cup of rarely made hot chocolate and some jazz, fusion songs playing at the background. 

After done working out and sweating out my butt, I still can't stop thinking of some "points" lately. Well, I'm in my period, which has come super earlier for the last few months, and I don't want to use it as an excuse to feel some situations around.

Whether or not I was busy helping out here and there lately, and let's not forget how my mind cannot stop thinking of some things, indeed I feel tired. I manage to sleep at the right time and ensure I get good sleep quality, but I still feel tired. At some hours I am content of everything, but at another hours I'd end up feel sorry for myself of some odd reasons.

I am now in the middle of some job process that requires my time to the never-sleep city. And it makes me confused. the quick process confuses me. I can't also clearly decide the "what do you see yourself in 5 years later?" kind of question the user once asked, and I'm sort of reviewing it hard now. I feel sad every time I have thoughts on leaving this gorgeous village (someday), realizing that I'd probably cannot traveling as much as I've done here. And it makes me more and more like the ugliest bitch crying over an unstable condition of life that has occured.

I miss "wasting" time with my good friends before they leave pursuing their dreams one by one. Time cannot be taken back and I am aware of that. Yet, it's just tough to spare some little time for that -- for some wasted, happy hours with those loved ones. As an individual human being, I have my own dream and goals in life that I pray to God to support me attaining them. In fact, so many "obstacles" to encounter, and it makes me even much stronger. Some times I feel weak and vulnerable like I can't keep it up anymore; while some other times I feel awesome and super blessed, like I am on the top of the world. 

Isn't it hard being a grown-up and pretending to be one?

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