Saturday, December 8, 2012

How

Feelings have caught me really well. I’ve been completely joyful, miserable, tedious, upset, exhausted and hungry. Is this some kind of bullshit? NO! I feel like plain; empty. 

I have completed everything, everyone’s business; but unfortunately not mine. Why should I mind my own business while others are busy bothering me with theirs? 

Feelings suck. Within a second, it can alter your own decision, your current thought, your desired doubt, your unexpected anger, your rare happiness, your hidden beauty and yourself. Within a minute, it will transform how the world looks at you, how your mother feels about you, how your brother thinks of you and how the society judges you. 

Feelings are bliss in gah-damn disguise. They say I cannot show my emotion in whatever circumstances, whenever and wherever the public goes. If I do that, I would die in embarrassment. What's more, people can directly and naturally tell me who I am and what my life is all about by simply watching me cry or cursing or silence or mad or being fabulous. Who are they anyway? Have they been stepping on my shoes? 

Feeling – it can be other people’s treasure and trash; at the same time, repulsively. Some celebrate it, some rebuff it. The timebomb will say it all in the end. You cannot be mortified of what you just said; it’s called honesty. You cannot be pessimist with your self esteem; it’s called humble. You cannot be overthinking and overreacted; it’s called excited. You cannot… I believe I’m expecting too much about everything, yet I have no getaways ahead of me. I don’t want to be trapped in the rat race; and the rat race will be fucked up playing with me. 

I know what they say about worry. Don’t. 



-Amelia Winnie

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