Monday, April 1, 2013

Where should I position myself out in the world? (Part II)

"Learning To See" by Charmaine Olivia

As A Friend 
Honestly, I don’t really have billions of friends. In reality, I can count my good friends. They came from different milieu: from college, the past work, the sport community, another sport community, and another sport community. Predominantly, these people know me sort of well, and no matter how far the distance of us or how only a few times spent of get-together, we keep in contact and chat about any of stuff. Sometimes we share our stories, life, be them shit or good news; and sometimes we only ask how we’re doing. 

Facebook friends? Statistically speaking, 35 percent is known family, friends and good friends (yes, they’re different); 25 percent is online shop pages ranging from women clothes,shoes, outdoor thingy and Michael Jackson souvenirs; 25 percent is acquaintances and rarely-meet, but-I-just-know-them kinda friends; 5 percent is famous people (e.g: Kobe Bryant, Beyonce, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, Victoria’s Secret, and more) public figures and bloggers; and the rest is mystery – while everytime these mysterious FB friends show up on my timeline, I’d literally go after their pages and explore whether I know them, and if not, I simply click the “unfriend” button. 

I’m a bit picky when it comes to good friends, so I guess it’s the reason I don’t really have too many friends. It doesn’t mean that I am not friendly. Indeed, many say I am pretty approachable, open and with this cold-face, I turn out to be a pretty fun one. As a friend, I may not give my time dedicated to them, I should also portion it out with the family and myself. 

However, when I love my friends, I do mean it. I care about them, I care about what they think and do. When I close with my friends, I can touch them when we talk, we can talk shit and stuff like free – and I’m happy that I can be myself, not hiding anything and be another person for and with them. So, thank you very much for allowing me being a part of your life story. 

As A Lover 
Have I said that when I love my friends, I do mean it? It happens with whoever I love as my lover – a.k.a boyfriend/future husband. I am not a romantic person, I usually commit to it with action. Quite manly, huh? But when it happens to be melodramatic moment and feeling (like PMS and the period time), I can be beyond Shakespeare or Kahlil Gibran to my lover. And I couldn’t care less if he finds it odd, as it’s my way to show what I feel about him, dramatically. 

One thing about being a lover, I try not to drown myself into a deep feeling when in a relationship. I try to bring my head with me. I’m a grown-up woman, I am aware that I should act like a lady, not like a teenager in love. Despite of it, I’m pretty serious about my love relationship. At the beginning I fancy someone, I do not fall to them straightforwardly. I tend to explore and find out his personality, his way of socializing, his hobby, life ethics, norms, his way of thinking, his sense of humor, and in the end, his background and family. 

Why am I doing this hard? Because, having a relationship is major. It takes another part of your life. It will consume your time, feeling, energy and it requires your sacrifice to survive. You cannot expect it will last longer if only one who fight for the relationship, can you? Whereas if you really want your lover to be partner for life, you must be all out preparing everything for it. That’s what I’ve been doing anyway. 

As a lover, I may not perfect in taking care everything between us as we still have our lives as single person. Yes, I was jealous of something, and I’m still asking myself if this is worth to be envied. I trust you for everything you are. And I believe it will be beautiful in the end if we work hard to make it so. 

And I’m thinking of a life buddy who will be there, supporting each other achieving our supreme dreams. 

As A Blogger/Writer 
I write what I want, what I like. Despite of my imperfect editing, word selection and descriptive story, I find writing is my another remedy. Why I write? None can understand the feeling of relieveness but me, and none should judge why I write something just because of myself. For the sake of my own happiness, I own a blog which I’ve been maintaining since 2009 – beforehand it was password/username forgetfulness. 

When I travel, I write as I desire to share the surroundings of the place I visit to everyone. I look at my writing as if I have ever known the place, as if I was the reader. When I feel something, think about stuff I see around the city, I pour them out. As boredom strikes me in the office, I write in draft – not posting it due to several may-contain-dangerous-effect reasons. I may hate self labeling, but this is one role that I like to keep it to myself – not to mention that some friends know this and cheer on me to keep doing it. Mouth-blabbering is overrated, now if human would shut up and create legacy. 

As A Human 
Mind about others as we live with billions people out there and we cannot for a second disregard their existence for the sake of such self-centred maniac. Human, for I am, has feeling, brain, blood, heart and dreams. So why don’t I respect and tolerate others who have the same life lane as I do, with different dreams and attempts. We might be born in different family, named in different meaning, walk in different shoes – but it doesn’t justify you, me and us not to give others a chance to taste their lives. 

The bottom line is, this role is everything in my life. As a human, life is hard and thus I’d better not make it too serious living it. I should have fun with everything happens in my life, I should remember my duty to Him, I should feel what I feel and cherish it, and I should just be as human as I possibly can. You know what I mean... 

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